Everybody knows some typical Halloween stories, full of ghosts, zombies, witches, and creepy dolls. The following short stories don’t involve monsters or graveyards, but I’d argue that they are just as scary.
1. You try to go into the caf. Sonja takes your ID card and rips it to shreds, saying you’ve disappointed her. Willie walks by, laughing, and throws a pancake in your face.
2. You win the Empire pizza-eating contest, earning free pizza for a year, and you still make it to class on time. Surprise! The dance school moved weigh-ins to today.
3. Homecoming lasts a whole semester.
4. You get to sing with Kristen Chenoweth on Broadway. You get to New York. You get a solo. You get nodes.
5. You’re trapped in the Bass School of Music elevator. You cry for help and hear female voices. The elevator transforms into the Hall of Queens, and the queens are alive. You try to ask their advice, but all they can say is “world peace” and “help the children.”
6. You dedicate your entire life toward creating your own original musical. The dean loves it, and it’s chosen to be performed as a mainstage production. You pour your artistic existence into this show, rehearsing for countless hours. It’s opening night! You are so ready. You walk on stage to introduce your masterpiece. No one is there. Not even your cast. Or the orchestra.
7. During your nursing clinicals, you are moved to the labor and delivery ward. You hold your patient’s hand and coach her through the breathing. Everything is going by the books. You see the top of the baby’s head. A familiar blonde toupee pops out. The rest of the baby appears. It’s an infant Trump. You stumble backwards and look in horror at the mother, who you now realize is Hillary Clinton, still wearing her pantsuit. You frantically look around for some sign of sanity. You hear the doctor ask, “How’s your energy?” You turn to see the white lab coat turn into a red sweater, revealing Dr. Ken Bone.
8. You book your first post-grad film audition. You make zero bold choices and forget to command the room.
9. You ace every test, do a crapload of research, become a PowerPoint wizard, and graduate magna cum laude with a degree in science, only to find that the only science jobs on the market anywhere are in botany.
10. It’s been a long day. You drag yourself up to the fourth floor of Methodist Hall and pull out your keys. You unlock your door to find that your entire room is gone. You look through the hole in the wall and see the teenage car thieves running from OCUPD, carrying your room. Then, Methodist Hall finally topples over.
11. Right after the d2L deadline passes, OCU wifi suddenly starts working perfectly, so everyone receives years’ worth of long lost emails and then gets hacked simultaneously.
12. The clock strikes 1 p.m. on Thursday. You enter the chapel, where security guards search your bag and send you through a body scanner. You make it inside and find that the sanctuary chairs have been divided into sections and labeled by religion. You’re forced into your religious category just as the featured speaker, Representative John Bennett, approaches the podium.
13. Administration decides to add 10 more credit requirements to every major, effective right now.
Good luck sleeping tonight. Comment with your own OCU scary stories. Happy Halloween!