Something strange is afoot.
State Rep. Justin Humphrey recently filed House Bill 1648, which would create a section of law stating, “the Oklahoma Wildlife Conservation Commission shall promulgate rules establishing a big foot hunting season. The Commission shall set annual season dates and create any necessary specific hunting licenses and fees.”
The proposed bounty to capture Bigfoot alive and unharmed began at $25,000. It has since been raised to $2.1 million.
In an interview with FOX 7 Austin, Humphrey said it was secretly a plan to bring in tourism revenue to his district.
“We’re having fun with it. It’s a lot of fun. I’m enjoying it,” Humphrey said. “But at the same time, I know a lot of people thought I was crazy.”
I was contacted by someone, however, who is not enjoying it.
Bigfoot, resident of the Pacific Northwest, said he was merely on vacation in the rural area of Southeast Oklahoma.
“I’m constantly on the run,” Bigfoot said. “They’re always chasing after me up in Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Alaska, California, Montana and Wyoming. I thought I would be safe here in Southeast Oklahoma, but I guess I can never be happy.”
Bigfoot was interested in seeing the Greater Wynnewood Exotic Animal Park from the popular Netflix show “Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem and Madness.”
Bigfoot said this life on the run has put a strain on every single aspect of his life, including his family relations.
“I haven’t seen my wife in over 200 years,” he said. “Ever since they first saw me in 1792, I had to kiss my sweet Tabitha goodbye and live my life on the road. I even missed my daughter’s 316th birthday.”
Bigfoot said he is the only “Big” foot, which contributes to the reason why only he is evading capture.
“Sasquatch is a species,” he said. “However, I’m the only “big” foot to my knowledge. Sure, we have Mediumfoot, Smallfoot, Slighty-larger-than-averagefoot, but Bigfoot just stuck to me I guess.”
Bigfoot said he wears a size 29 in men’s shoes and is always struggling to find a pair which not only fit his feet, but also his style.
“I consider myself a pretty fashionable guy,” he said. “I used to be able to get into Men’s Warehouse after dark, but they started locking their back door, and I’m not about to get another warrant for my arrest.”
Bigfoot said he politely is begging for people to leave him alone.
“Listen, I’m a Leo sun and rising, so I love attention, but this is frankly too much,” he said.
Bigfoot said he is terrified of capture.
“I’ve gotten pretty good at covering my tracks,” Bigfoot said. “For example, I required this interview to be conducted in the middle of the forest at 3:23 a.m. I also microchipped Jess here to make sure that if she does cross me, I know where she sleeps. I also know her social security number, which is *̶̧̢̡̧̤̘̤̠͍̖̥̞̞̥͔͈̩̳̦̬̜͔̟͖̺̝̟̣̹̹͓̟̖͕͕̩͗̿́̀̏̈́̎̓̃̀̀̽̑̅̑̈̈́̚͘̕͜͠%̸̢̢̧̨̡̨̠͚̦̞͚̳̟̬̤̗̭͔͔̩̱̻̺͇̼͉̘̼͉͉̺̝̟̲̹̻̙̯̠̼̯̬̤̯̎̀̎̆̓̀̂̌̈́̅̈́͂͑̓͂̽̏̉̌̋͒̃̕̚͜͜͜͝ͅͅ$̴̡̢̞̙̭̤̱͎͖̗̥̺͇͆͌̂̐̿́͌̏̑͌͑͆̒̿̒͗̆̇̎͌́̆̍͊͜͝*̸̛̛̣͎̣̳̗̦͙͔̗͎͖͖̳̻̫̤̙͚̦̭̖̤̰͂̌̓̽̽̄̈́̃̂̈͑̐̇̂̐̊̒͂̀̒́̿̇͂́̀̔̀̈́̄̅̿̐̈́̋̐̚͜͠͝͝ͅ!̸̛̛̛͇̫̍̍̄͑́̿͗̈̎̈́̌͐͋͊̓͑̏̐̈̀̂̇̋̇͂͒̇̋̍̔̌͊̂̈́̇̚̚͜͝͝͝^̸̡̢̢̧̡̧̡̻̹͈̖͉̯̺̹̥̠͇̗̲͍͕̲̭̝̻̫̬̻̜̗͍̤̞͙̼̥̭̪͔̫̪͒̂͒̽͊̽̑̉͊̃̌̔͐̈͛̓̔̏͂̌̎̊̿̅̀͌̈́̇͒̾̋̏͌͐͋̈́̅̆̀̚̕̕͘͘͘̕͝͝͠͝ͅͅͅ””
For more information on Bigfoot, go to Washington.
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