“Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
How can I find a good guy to date on campus?
Sincerely, single student”
Dear single student,
When it comes to dating, you need to be very careful in assessing all your options. My advice is to take after alumni Chris Harrison and create a Bachelorette-inspired club! You can hold meetings every week and narrow down your options throughout the semester. By winter break, not only will you have a boyfriend, but you’ll also gain leadership experience in running a student-led organization!
“Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
Why is textbook butler so expensive?
Sincerely, a sad bank account”
Dear a sad bank account,
All butlers are expensive! Think of Niles in The Nanny or Geoffrey in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air; they were certainly not tending to small houses. It’s a very serious, time-consuming job, and butlers deserve a wage that reflects their hard work.
“Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
I’ve hit four parked cars now. I just hit a red Subaru in a Chili’s parking lot. Should I do a hit-and-run or go inside and make an announcement?
Sincerely, insurance through the roof”
Dear insurance through the roof,
You should definitely be honest and find the car’s owner, but you shouldn’t do it on an empty stomach. While hit-and-runs are illegal, there are no laws against getting some chips and salsa at Chili’s before you exchange insurance information! Save some for me!
Sincerely, Ms. Marty Pants
Ms. Marty Pants is an expert on life and loves to give back to the community with her acclaimed problem-solving skills. Email any questions to Ms. Pants’s secretary at fiacovacci@my.okcu.edu.
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