In this week’s article, we deal with motivation, job hunting, and licking cacti.
Dear Crazy Kuzco Lady,
Why has my motivation, hope and will to live foresaken me and how can I get it back?
Please Help,
Seeing Shambles Early
Dear Seeing Shambles Early,
It’s Crazy Kazoo Lady, not Crazy Kuzco Lady. Do I look like an emperor who turns into a llama? No, so don’t throw off my groove.
The reason your motivation, hope and will have left you is because you haven’t been eating enough elephant.
According to an entrepreneur site (rich people know everything), it says to “eat the elephant one bite at a time”. In other words, elephants are the reason why rich people are so happy and powerful… because they suck on the blood of freaking zoo animals.
So, go to your neighborhood Wal-Mart, and buy some elephant meat. How you will afford this? Take all the money going towards your education and buy it.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
It’s almost summer time, and I still don’t have a job set out. How do I get one?
Sincerely,
I need money
Dear I Need Money,
First, I agree with you… the people who say that money cannot buy happiness clearly have never had student loans… or ice cream.
So, in order to get a job, my advice is to crawl into the place that you want to work, and start moaning. Moan like your life depends on it. Let every thought that comes into your head out, whether it’s “I’m hungry”, or, “I was sexually awakened by Simba from The Lion King”. Roll around on the floor and continue and begin to sing “Holding out for a Hero” from the Shrek sequel. Make sure you do all the backup vocals, because that is clearly what makes it great.
The manager will become enraptured in your singing and Movement 1 contact improv work, that they will have to hire you.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How do I become sexy?
Sincerely,
#sexappeal
Dear #sexappeal,
Lick a cactus
Crazy Kazoo Lady has life experience and is ready to share it with the world. She’ll answer your questions and give you advice on everyday problems. Email any questions to chawthorne@my.okcu.edu.
Leave a Reply