“This is the moment of truth,” I said, peering at my husband in the passenger seat. Dread and apprehension knotted within me as I continued, “Am I really going into church without my pants on?” From the backseat, my six-year-old daughter, always attentive, joyfully exclaimed, “Of course you are, Momma!”
It all started innocently enough, with my daughter expressing her desire to dress up as Taylor Swift (again!) for Halloween. This wasn’t a surprising choice; she has been a dedicated Swiftie from the young age of 3, immersing herself in Taylor’s music and the Swiftie culture.
From our shared listening sessions, pandemic Swiftie dance parties for two, to the elaborate Taylor Swift-themed birthday parties (yes, plural), it is undeniable that my daughter draws inspiration from the world Taylor creates.
Wholeheartedly supporting my daughter’s choice to dress as ‘Reputation Taylor’, I found myself grappling with my own insecurities when she asked me if I would dress up with her as ‘Bejeweled Taylor.’
As someone who has struggled with weight issues and body image, donning a revealing costume felt daunting. Growing up in our American culture obsessed with unrealistic beauty standards, I have internalized harmful beliefs about weight and appearance throughout the entirety of my life.
Yet, witnessing my daughter’s unwavering confidence and self-assurance, inspired by her role model, challenged me to confront these ingrained prejudices.
Choosing to accompany her as ‘Bejeweled Taylor’ wasn’t a decision made lightly; in fact, I told no one that I was contemplating walking out of my house on Halloween night in an outfit I wouldn’t even wear to the neighborhood swimming pool!
But amidst the sequins and uncertainty, something clicked the moment I tried on the black bodysuit and the knee-high boots. I became acutely aware of the potency of power and confidence. If Taylor could challenge the music industry’s misogyny and reclaim her narrative, surely I could conquer my own fears.
I realized the importance of modeling confidence for my daughter, breaking the cycle of shame passed down through generations within my family and our society. I grew up watching the women in my family wrestle with the shame of their bodies; I am determined that my daughter will observe me wrestling with bravery and courage.
Trying on that costume wasn’t just about Halloween; it was a transformative moment. When the opportunity arose to wear my costume to church, the outpouring of support reaffirmed my decision.
Stepping into that sanctuary as ‘Bejeweled Taylor’ symbolized my commitment to embracing authenticity and rejecting societal expectations. It wasn’t about idolizing Swift; it is about embodying her fearlessness and resilience and taking on the awareness that is required to dismantle structures that are in place to confine people into a life of shame, limitation, and self-doubt.
As a society, we often overlook or ignore the influence of celebrities on shaping attitudes and perceptions, especially concerning body image. When my daughter confidently proclaimed, “Mommy, I have a voice like Taylor because I believe in myself and I love everyone,” it sparked a profound understanding within me.
Beyond the melodies and lyrics, Taylor Swift has become a symbol of determination, empowerment, and self-acceptance for my daughter, and in turn, me.
– Megan Hornbeek Allen
I fully recognize that Taylor Swift, like all of us, is fallible and has previously expressed fatphobic sentiments (so have I!). I also firmly believe our collective journey toward deconstructing toxic frameworks is reliant on gaining knowledge and granting ourselves grace.
Despite any imperfections, Swift serves as a role model for navigating body struggles, utilizing her platform to uplift individuals of all sizes, including dancers, choreographers, and backup singers. It’s through acknowledging both her flaws and her positive contributions that we can find inspiration and motivation in our own quests for self-acceptance and growth.
Taylor Swift has consistently used her platform to advocate for love and positivity. Her public journey through a toxic industry to eventually land in a place where she unapologetically embraces her own body and abilities, coupled with her refusal to conform to societal standards, sends a powerful message to fans of all ages, including myself.
Through my daughter’s admiration for Taylor Swift, I have been able to reassess my own biases and prejudices, particularly towards my own fatness.
In our home, Taylor Swift is more than a pop icon; she’s a beacon of empowerment in a world clouded by negativity. Her influence transcends music, inspiring me and my daughter to accept our uniqueness and challenge societal norms. I
draw inspiration not only from Taylor, but from my daughter, so that I can become the best version of myself (Megan’s version).
Since last fall, I have been more cognizant to honor myself with less criticism in my internal monologue. Some days are easier than others, but the work of systematic deconstruction begins with awareness.
In a society plagued by division and self-doubt, I am left wondering: What would it look like if more of us were able to channel our unique ‘Bejeweled Taylor’ on a daily basis?
I anticipate we would find ourselves believing ourselves to be worthy of self-love and self-acceptance, regardless of size or appearance. When we can give that to ourselves, we don’t have to look any further.
Megan Hornbeek Allen is a 2003 OCU alum and currently works in the OCU Office of Alumni Engagement. She lives in Edmond, OK with her husband Jeremy, daughter Cora (6), and stepson Aidan (18). A longtime Swiftie, Megan attended her first Taylor Swift concert on June 25, 2011 (the infamous rain show of the Speak Now Tour at Gillette Stadium).
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