Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
How do you tell people to social distance that don’t seem to understand social distancing?
Sincerely, Student Taking Quarantine Seriously
Dear Student Taking Quarantine Seriously,
It seems like some people don’t want to give the government the satisfaction of telling them what to do. If you want the reluctant souls to social distance, I suggest creating fake news articles that say everybody should go outside and interact with each other. Then those people will finally stay home!
Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
I won’t get a $1,200 stimulus check from the government because I’m claimed as a dependent on taxes. Additionally, my parents don’t receive $500 on their stimulus check for me because I’m over 18. My job is temporarily closed, and I still have rent to pay. Any advice?
Sincerely, Irritated Student
Dear Irritated Student,
It seems like college-aged students have definitely been overlooked in this process. My advice is to watch the hit Broadway musical, “RENT.” The characters don’t want to pay their rent either, and the show similarly takes place among a pandemic (HIV/AIDS.) It probably won’t solve any of your problems, but the iconic showtunes can take your mind off everything!
Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
I can’t get myself to wear pants anymore! How do I find motivation to put them on?
Sincerely, Pantsless Zoomer
Dear Pantsless Zoomer,
Actually, not wearing pants might not be a bad thing! Giving your pants a break can help heal any fading, stretches or rips in them. It’s been scientifically proven that the fabric in pants grows stronger and mends itself when it has time to rest. It sounds crazy, but you can trust me. I’m an expert on pants; it’s practically my last name!
Sincerely, Ms. Marty Pants
Ms. Marty Pants is an expert on life and loves to give back to the community with her acclaimed problem-solving skills. Email any questions to Ms. Pants’s secretary at fiacovacci@my.okcu.edu.
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