Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
What do I do when my trip to Italy was cancelled because of the corona virus?
Sincerely, abroad student
Dear abroad student,
I’m sorry to hear that! My advice is to do something that will still make you feel like you’re in Italy! Have you ever heard of Olive Garden?
Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
My girlfriend is a horrible driver, but every time I bring it up she thinks I’m kidding. How do I tell her I’m seriously concerned for our safety?
Sincerely, tired of hitting curbs
Dear tired of hitting curbs,
Your safety should be your highest concern. If your girlfriend’s driving is a threat to your security, you should probably break up with her.
Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
There’s this guy I’m friends with that has a crush on me, but he can’t take a hint that I’m not interested. How do I friendzone him?
Sincerely, hates confrontation
Dear hates confrontation,
Just ask them for help setting up your Tinder! Then, if you really want to make the message clear, write a bio saying you’re interested in someone who’s the complete opposite of him!
Sincerely, Ms. Marty Pants
Ms. Marty Pants is an expert on life and loves to give back to the community with her acclaimed problem-solving skills. Email any questions to Ms. Pants’s secretary at fiacovacci@my.okcu.edu.
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