Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
My voice recital’s coming up this week and I’m really stressed about it. What do I do?!
Sincerely, senior
Dear senior,
If you’re really stressed about the recital, it’s probably best to take a mental health day and not perform it. If you’re worried you won’t meet criteria to graduate without it, just donate a couple million dollars to the university, and they’ll probably give you an honorary degree!
Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
How do I break up with my boyfriend?
Sincerely, afraid of confrontation
Dear afraid of confrontation,
I totally understand; confrontation is scary. Just tell all of his friends you want to break up with him, and I’m sure he’ll figure it out eventually!
Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
What is the Coronavirus? Is it something we can catch?
Sincerely, paranoid student
Dear paranoid student,
I don’t know why you’re asking. I don’t drink Corona, and you shouldn’t either since OCU is a dry campus. I know for a fact you’re under 21 too, so you’re lucky this bad advice blog is anonymous.
Sincerely, Ms. Marty Pants
Ms. Marty Pants is an expert on life and loves to give back to the community with her acclaimed problem-solving skills. Email any questions to Ms. Pants’s secretary at fiacovacci@my.okcu.edu.
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