Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
I’m from Florida and this is my first real winter. I’m looking at the weather app for the week and am already scared. Any tips to stay warm?
Sincerely, developing hypothermia
Dear developing hypothermia,
The only way to overcome your fears are to face them. My advice is to wait for a particularly cold day, put on your swimsuit and jump in the Cokesbury pool. This way, any other below-freezing temperature will seem warm by comparison!
Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
After the laundry theft incident in Cokesbury, I’m worried about leaving my laundry alone while it’s in the washers and dryers. Any advice?
Sincerely, Cokesbury resident
Dear Cokesbury resident,
Unfortunately, the only thing I can think of is to sit there while it’s washing. It shouldn’t be a problem, as I’m sure full time students have nothing better or more productive to do.
Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
How do I get a boyfriend before Valentine’s Day?
Sincerely, lonely student
Dear lonely student,
My suggestion is to pretend to be Florence Pugh! Everyone wants to date her.
Sincerely, Ms. Marty Pants
Ms. Marty Pants is an expert on life and loves to give back to the community with her acclaimed problem-solving skills. Email any questions to Ms. Pants’s secretary at fiacovacci@my.okcu.edu.
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