Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
How do you deal with republicans at the dinner table? Xoxo
Sincerely, voting blue
Dear voting blue,
Thanksgiving is all about spending time with family; you shouldn’t waste the day arguing about politics! For the sake of keeping the peace, it’s better if you agree with the republicans. If someone says something controversial, just say “ok boomer” to validate them and let them know you respect their opinion!
Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
How do I cope with being the least favorite grandchild? Hahaha!!!
Sincerely, the middle child
Dear the middle child,
You just need to show your family you’re better than your siblings! I will warn you though; the plan involves some fowl play. Here’s what you need to do:
- Secretly sabotage dinner by turning off the oven after they put the turkey in
- Act surprised when they take out the uncooked turkey
- Swoop in with a perfectly-cooked back-up turkey to save the day!
Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
I want to play Miss Mariah Carey’s album but my family is not about it. How should I trick them into letting me blast it?
Sincerely, skinny queen
Dear skinny queen,
Just turn it on while everyone’s arguing, and they won’t even notice!
Sincerely, Ms. Marty Pants.
Ms. Marty Pants is an expert on life and loves to give back to the community with her acclaimed problem-solving skills. Email any questions to Ms. Pants’s secretary at fiacovacci@my.okcu.edu.
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