“Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
The school’s WiFi has been on the fritz lately, and I’m having trouble getting online assignments done. What should I do?
Sincerely, disconnected student.”
Dear disconnected student,
I know that must be frustrating. When internet access is unreliable, there’s only a small windowof opportunity for productivity.
My advice is to go to your local McDonalds with internet access, order a copious amount of chicken nuggets, then go back to campus and complain about it on the OCU Facebook page. That always yields results.
“Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
I want to break up with my long-distance boyfriend but am not sure how. Do I wait until I see him in person or do it over the phone?
Sincerely, typical freshman.”
Dear typical freshman,
Nobody wants to get broken up with over the phone. Your partner deserves the respect of a mature, face-to-face conversation.
My advice is to ask your boyfriend to come visit you and break up with him then! That way, he’ll have the entire drive or flight home to get over it!
“Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
I moved to Cokesbury this year so I have to buy groceries and cook for myself now. What are some healthy meal ideas?
Sincerely, amateur chef.”
Dear amateur chef,
The answer is always ice cream. If for a second, you think the answer is not ice cream, reconsider until you realize it is.
Sincerely, Ms. Marty Pants.
Ms. Marty Pants is an expert on life and loves to give back to the community with her acclaimed problem-solving skills. Email any questions to Pants’ secretary at fiacovacci@my.okcu.edu.
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