“Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
It hasn’t even been two weeks since school started and I’m already having trouble managing my homework load. Do you have any advice?
Sincerely, stressed student.”
Dear stressed student,
A lot of people claim the best way to not be stressed about homework is to “get ahead,” but I’ve had one on my shoulders since birth and, frankly, I’m not interested in a new one.
My advice is to stick with the head you already have and procrastinate until the last minute possible to get everything done. This way, the information will be fresh in your head when you get to class and you’ll be able to actively participate in class discussions.
“Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
I’m not able to go home for Labor Day weekend so I’ll be stuck in Oklahoma City. What are some fun things to do?
Sincerely, Labored Out”
Dear Labored Out,
There’s plenty of great ways to spend the holiday in a festive way! While the possibilities are endless, I don’t want to belabor the point, so here are just a few ideas:
- Spend your day off visiting others who still have to go to work while shopping for the hottest Labor Day deals.
- Celebrate the day in a literal sense by visiting your local hospital to experience the miracle of childbirth. Every day is Labor Day for someone!
- Organize a strike and advocate to raise minimum wage so the working class can actually afford to have a day off to observe this holiday.
“Dear Ms. Marty Pants,
I’m used to my mom doing my laundry and just realized I don’t know how to do it myself. At this point I’m too afraid to ask. Please help.
Sincerely, on my last pair of underwear.”
Dear on my last pair of underwear,
Hmm…how do I phrase this delicately? I don’t want to put a hamper on things but I agree it’s too late in the game to learn for yourself.
Here’s my spinon it! If I were you, I’d bring my laundry back to my parents every week. This way, you’ll get to spend quality time with them and avoid the impending doom that is adulthood.
If you live out of state, I hear FedEx has same-day shipping!
Sincerely, Ms. Marty Pants.
Ms. Marty Pants is an expert on life and loves to give back to the community with her acclaimed problem-solving skills. Email any questions to Pants’ secretary at fiacovacci@my.okcu.edu.
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