Well guys… we knew this column was coming. That’s right… a column on adulthood.
I’ll be discussing horrific things such as taxes, loans and the future. Let’s go.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How do taxes work exactly?
Sincerely,
Taxed Out
Dear Taxed Out,
Since this has nothing to do with the yellow cars that Uber overtook (taxis), taxes are pretty much when the government is like… yo… you made money…
GIVE IT TO US!
It’s like the government is a child, and you are its parent (and yet somehow they control you, it’s a weird relationship). If you invest in it, the child will do cool stuff, like create new jobs, or loan forgiveness. If you don’t, scary people will come knocking at your door saying
GIVE US YOUR MONEY!
So pay your taxes… unless you’re rich… they can apparently get away with it…
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
I’m about to graduate and I need to think about how to pay off my loans. What advice do you have?
Sincerely,
Lend a Hand
Dear Lend a Hand,
There’s nothing like a student loan to remind us that we’re all screwed and that moving to another country and changing our names is probably the best bet.
If that’s not what works for you… here’s how to pay off your loans:
1. Cry.
2. Get a job that barely pays your rent.
3. Get a few jobs that somewhat help.
4. Call your mother and cry some more.
5. Realize that the plan of running away and changing your name was probably the best options but it’s too late now so continue going to your jobs and crying and living off of ramen until you marry rich.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
So, what’s next for you?
Sincerely,
CH
Dear CH,
Who the f$%k knows?
But in all honesty, I am learning to be at peace with not knowing everything.
I do not have the internal or external figured out. I do not have all the answers. But isn’t life just us guessing and hoping that the decisions we make are the ones that are best? Or maybe it isn’t. All I’ve learned is that I don’t know s#$t. I have also learned that people who love giving advice don’t usually follow it.
I do know one thing… my kazoo will be with me wherever the next adventure is. And I can say, it will be a good one.
Thank you to everyone who has read or supported this. I have loved being your resident columnist. You cannot have art without an audience, so thank you for being mine.
Maybe it’ll expand somewhere else… maybe it won’t… it will probably be the main thing in my comedy portfolio. Ehhhh…
And with that being said…
Kazoo out.
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