Alright everyone, you know what day it is…
It’s “let’s buy each other a bunch of cheap s&*t from CVS in the attempt to save our marriage” day.
Call me love doctor. Let’s begin.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How do I tell my crush how I feel on Valentine’s Day?
Sincerely,
Isn’t it Romantic?
Dear Isn’t it Romantic?,
In my opinion, the best way to tell someone how you feel about them is to leave little notes everywhere. Leave them in their backpack, their desk, even their toilet seat (don’t ask me how to sneak in their apartment).
Have the notes say cute things like, “Be mine,” “I’m watching you,” and “Love me forever or I will pee on everything you’ve ever loved.”
There’s nothing like little surprises to get into the holiday.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
I hate Valentine’s Day. Any way to ignore the holiday?
Sincerely,
S.A.D.
Dear S.A.D.,
Believe it or not, there are a ton of holidays on Feb. 14 besides Valentine’s Day. Why half of them exist, I do not understand. But is it a good distraction from how we will all inevitably die alone? Yes.
Here’s a list of holidays to celebrate instead:
1. National Library Lover’s Day
2. National Race Relations Day
3. National Pet Theft Awareness Day
4. National Donor Day
5. National Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Day
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
I’m alone and no one loves me… any ideas of how to raise my self-esteem?
Sincerely,
Dying Alone
Dear Dying Alone,
My advice: go do the diddly daddy with someone.
You’ll either get self-esteem or an STD.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
What are you getting your significant other for Valentine’s Day?
Sincerely,
Need Ideas
Dear Need Ideas,
I’m sending my SO a picture of myself, because I am the gift.
Crazy Kazoo Lady has life experience and is ready to share it with the world. She’ll answer your questions and give you advice on everyday problems. Email any questions to chawthorne@my.okcu.edu.
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