In this week’s column, I’ll be discussing the patriarchy, the government shutdown and depression. 
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How come the patriarchy won’t quit?
Sincerely,
Tired of this BS
Dear Tired of this BS,
The patriarchy is too legit to quit.
In all honesty, the patriarchy will not quit because they are too busy throwing out their Gilette razors in the hopes that by destroying a cheap product they can buy at Wal-Mart, they will be able to retain their stereotypical version of manhood.
My advice is just to let them go on their Twitter tirades. Boys will be boys after all.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How do I fill the void of physical affection?
Sincerely,
Depressed and wanting Sex
Dear Depressed and wanting Sex,
This column has to be somewhat PG-13, so I can’t give you a complete honest answer.
So, here are some PG ways to fill the void:
- Cuddle your pillow and pretend it’s a person.
- If someone gives you a hug, hold on to them before they say, “okay, that’s enough.”
- Listen to Taylor Swift’s Teardrops on my Guitar and weep.
- Find a stray animal and put all your affection into it (even if it has rabies).
- Eat. A lot.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How do we solve the government shutdown?
Sincerely,
Tired of this BS Part 2
Dear Tired of this BS Part 2,
Put the president in his crib and contact another planet. We need a new form of leadership.
Crazy Kazoo Lady has life experience and is ready to share it with the world. She’ll answer your questions and give you advice on everyday problems. Email any questions to chawthorne@my.okcu.edu.
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