In this week’s column, I tackle roommates, maintenance and OKC’s homeless population.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
I’m having some roommate issues. My roommate changed the temperature to 90 degrees in the middle of the night. I had to leave my apartment because I couldn’t stop sweating.
What should I do?
Sincerely,
Burning Up
Dear Burning Up,
First, I love that song.
Second, my advice is to fight fire with fire. Go into your roommate’s room, throw a bunch of ice cubes on them and shout, “I AM THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN!”
You know, like you do.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
In an amazing turn of events, the doorknob to my bedroom is broken. Do not ask me how.
What should I do?
Sincerely,
Doorknobless
Dear Doorknobless,
Not having a doorknob must really knock you out (hahahaha get it?).
Here is a list of potential things you can replace your doorknob with:
1. Two pickles with a stick in between them.
2. Two tennis balls with a stick in between them.
3. Two textbooks from a class you failed with a knife in between them.
4. Two tests from that same class you failed with a sword in between them.
5. The magnet with the work order information. We must find use for it somehow.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
I’m tired of the homeless population taking over this campus. How do we kick them off?
Sincerely,
Concerned about Safety
Dear Concerned about Safety,
Donate and volunteer. Contact your government. Throw eggs at the capitol building and shout, “DIE, HOMELESSNESS, DIE!”
You know, like you do.
Crazy Kazoo Lady has life experience and is ready to share it with the world. She’ll answer your questions and give you advice on everyday problems. Email any questions to chawthorne@my.okcu.edu.
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