Halloween is my third favorite holiday behind Christmas and Thanksgiving. I suppose that’s to be expected, though. The only holidays left after Christmas and Thanksgiving are the ones where a deranged bunny leaves colored eggs full of change or expired candy in your backyard, or the day of love when couples post pictures on Instagram and single people roll their eyes and tweet about how strong and independent they are.
There are more holidays that I celebrate, but I’d say those are my main five. They’re my main five because those are all the holidays that allow me to get free stuff from my parents. Free toys on Dec. 25, a free meal on the third Thursday in November, free candy and dress-up clothes on Oct. 31, free candy out of plastic eggs on deranged bunny day, and free looks of disapproval when I conversate with my mom about my love life on that infamous Feb. 14.
But I can’t really celebrate Halloween anymore. Sure, decorating and giving candy to children is fun. Attending parties and watching scary movies is loads of fun also. But that’s all just white noise to me on Halloween. I want to walk to strangers’ houses unaccompanied to get free candy that may have razor blades in it. Okay, that last part was far-fetched, but I was always told as a child to look out for razor blades in my Halloween candy. Seriously, why did you scare us like that, parents?
Why is there an age limit on trick-or-treating? It’s just unfair. Would it really be that weird if I, a 21-year-old, 6-foot-3-inches, 210-pound man, showed up on your doorstep dressed as “Spider-Man” asking for free sweets? If that’s weird to parents, then I guess the Baby Boomers were wrong about who the snowflakes are.
The other reason Halloween is my third favorite is because it’s basically Christmas already. Many stores already are lining up their sleigh bells, fake snow and overly-priced fake trees that look awful. I can go to Wal-Mart and have my Halloween spirit ruined by these stores trying to make a quick buck off people who want to save before the season changes. The most wonderful time of the year!
The Nightmare Before Christmas is another pastime I enjoy on Halloween. I know it’s more of a Christmas movie, but then I’m watching a movie about Halloween on Christmas. I don’t want my Christmas morning to start with a stop-motion, 9-foot-tall skeleton with so-so vocals and horrible taste in choreography. So, on Halloween, I watch that movie and just get more excited for Christmas.
Halloween isn’t all that bad, though. It has its redeeming qualities, like telling teenagers who dress up and ring your doorbell expecting candy to go away or you’re calling the cops. It all just comes down to how into the Halloween spirit you are.
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