Alright everyone, yours truly potentially has a cold, along with the majority of the OCU campus. In
this week’s column, we will get DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How do I fight congestion?
Sincerely,
Congested
Dear Congested,
What a creative name.
Go to the Goddesses of OCU (the three statues of former Miss Americas), and pray for their beauty, grace and no congestion.
They will turn you into a statue. No more congestion. Just stone. And cold. And pageantry.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
I’m sick and I really don’t want to go to class. However, the dance and music school requires that I go to class, or else I fail. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Wanna Pass But Too Sick To
Dear Wanna Pass But Too Sick To,
There is only one way to get out of class: fake your own death.
Here are the steps.
1. Decide on your form of death, (I have found that getting lost at sea or getting attacked by raccoons are good choices).
2. Have your friends post long Facebook posts about how they’ll miss you.
3. Take your college tuition money and put it toward your funeral and the fake dead body.
4. Bring the death certificate to school and say it’s the ghost of you.
5. Go home.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How do I not get sick?
Sincerely,
Need to Survive
Dear Need to Survive,
Use the sickness as an excuse to not leave your apartment, (which is what I already do on a regular basis).
Crazy Kazoo Lady has life experience and is ready to share it with the world. She’ll answer your questions and give you advice on everyday problems. Email any questions to chawthorne@my.okcu.edu.
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