In this column, I tackle safety, Cokesbury and poop.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
I recently found poop in front of my apartment.
How do I prevent this from happening?
Sincerely,
What in tarnation?
Dear What in tarnation?
First… is this a Southern thing that I don’t know about? Is leaving a “present” in front of someone’s door a way to say “I love you?” Or a way to say that the British are coming?
If neither of these things are true, my advice is to give me $5, so I can stand outside your room and protect it.
We all know I have a low tolerance for bulls$%t.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How do I feel safe walking back to my dorm at night?
Sincerely,
Life is Dangerous
Dear Life is Dangerous,
Us ladies know that we need to protect ourselves all the time, because we have to deal with potential rapists, murderers and people who try to get us to go to church.
In my opinion, you need a weapon to carry around campus. Potential weapons to scare men away:
- Birth Control Pills
- The Diva Cup
- Actual period blood
- The poop that is being left in front of people’s doors
- A machete
Don’t worry about getting in trouble for having a weapon. We’re in Oklahoma, you can legally carry a weapon everywhere.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
Can you please fix the goshdarn Cokes gate?
Sincerely,
It’s been Years
Dear It’s been Years,
Get the whole school to chew a bunch of packs of gum. Then we will have the necessary adhesive to fix the gate.
Crazy Kazoo Lady has life experience and is ready to share it with the world. She’ll answer your questions and give you advice on everyday problems. Email any questions to chawthorne@my.okcu.edu.
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