How to avoid the flu while remaining productive -

Flu season continues to rage, taking over 70 lives in Oklahoma. Students want to avoid the illness at all costs, but shutting yourself in your room and skipping class is not an option. Here are some suggestions for how to dodge the flu while remaining productive.

1. Create your own flu vaccine

Are you scared of needles or don’t have the willpower to get into the clinic for a flu shot? No worries. Create your own vaccine by finding someone who has contracted the flu, taking a five-milliliter sample of their spit, and mixing it into your morning smoothie.

2. Stick to the herbal smoothie diet

Speaking of smoothies, nothing is healthier than a diet of veggie smoothies and essential oils. For breakfast, blend kale, spinach, quinoa, yogurt, and peppermint oil. For lunch, add carrots, tofu, and lavender. For dinner, combine lentils with coconut oil. Then, chow down on six cups of whey protein, straight from the tub. This delicious diet is nutritional and flu-proof.

3. Wear a beekeeping suit at all times

These suits are comfy, warm and protective. If bees can’t penetrate their shield, surely you’re safe from the flu.

4. Publicly announce your desire to remain healthy at the beginning of each of your classes

How are your classmates supposed to know you don’t want their sicknesses if you don’t tell them? If they know, your buddies will do anything to protect you, including stepping in front of you so they’re coughed on instead.

5. Get a hired hand

You can’t risk opening doors, turning on sinks or dishing your own food. Think of the germs! If you really care about your health, you’ll hire someone to touch everything for you.

6. Wear a dental dam throughout your day

Grab some latex from your local dentist, and keep those germs out of your mouth. Plus, people will probably think you look gross and avoid you, lessening the chance of contact with illness.

7. Carry a portable shower with you

Portable showers are typically used for camping, but if someone sneezes on you, you have to be prepared. The sooner you can get clean, the better. It may also be smart to wear a swimsuit under your clothing.

8. Fill your pepper spray with Lysol

Next time you see a red, dripping nose approaching your bubble, break out your keychain and spray the sickness away. Try to avoid their eyes, but a trip to the doctor might be the best option for them anyway.

9. Wear a scuba diving oxygen tank around school