In this week’s column, I’ll be discussing adventure, forbidden
love, and the war against cockroaches.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
What do I do if I have a crush on a teacher?
Sincerely,
She’s not that much older than me
Dear She’s Not that Much Older than Me
Tom Holland is not much older than me. However, he’s Spider-Man,
and I play a kazoo.
In other words, we must know our places in this world,
and in this case, your professor is Tom Holland, and you are a poor college student with really yellow teeth who is attempting to write an advice column.
To get rid of your crush, every time you think about her,
eat a sardine. Every time you go to her class, pour Siracha down your pants. If all else fails, just read a lot of erotica and hope your feelings go away.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How can I destroy all the cockroaches that emerge at night?
Sincerely,
I Fucking Hate Them
Dear I Fucking Hate Them,
I have seen many horrific things. I have seen the death
of loved ones. I have seen people I love in pain. I have seen Tommy Wiseau’s butt cheeks.
However, nothing compares to horror that is the cockroaches
on this goddamn campus.
The only thing we can do… go to war. We must gather all
of our food, all of our raid, and start a cockroach genocide. Protect your family, your friends, your laptops. There will be blood. Plenty of it. But we cannot rest until they are all dead.
FOR NARNNNIIIAAAAAAA
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
What’s the best adventure I could ever have in life?
Sincerely,
No Good Plans
Dear No Good Plans,
First, you need to remember everything in life has a purpose,
you, chickens, a midget at a circus.
The best adventure you can have in life… that’s not for
me to determine.
In the end, it’s just a personal thing. Ya just gotta
listen to your brain.
Crazy Kazoo Lady has life experience and is ready to share it with the world. She’ll answer your questions and give you advice on everyday problems. Email any questions to chawthorne@my.okcu.edu.
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