In this week’s column, I’ll be discussing midterms, positivity, and pee.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
Why do I always feel like I’m running out of time?
Sincerely,
Ugggghhhhh
Dear Uggggghhh,
I’m surprised that you’re running out of thyme, because it is a simple spice to obtain. I hear that you can go to the store and get it, it’s only a dollar and fifty cents if you get the generic kind.
If you’re running out of time in the metaphorical sense, remember, time is a social construct to remind us that we’re getting old and that we no longer have good metabolisms.
Plastic surgery is your best bet.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
Midterm study tips?
Sincerely,
Stressed as Heck
Dear I Don’t Know How to Do This,
The best way to study is to eat a cactus, because that is the equivalent of cramming all of this information into your brain.
Also, stop showering. Your teacher will be so disgusted that they’ll excuse you and you won’t have to take the midterm.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How do I keep positive in a world where everything seems to be a mess?
Sincerely,
Feeling Sort of Down
Dear Feeling Sort of Down,
First, here is a list of horrible things people used to do:
1. Take photos with the corpses of their dead loved ones.
2. Believe that women got sick because their wombs left their bodies.
3. Put cocaine in Coca-Cola.
4. Actually thought that mullets were sexy.
5. Drink pee.
What I’m trying to say is that the world has always been somewhat disastrous. Bad things have always been happening, but good things happen as well. It all depends on where you look.
Crazy Kazoo Lady has life experience and is ready to share it with the world. She’ll answer your questions and give you advice on everyday problems. Email any questions to chawthorne@my.okcu.edu.
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