In this week’s article, we will deal with Stars Points, bugs, and insomnia.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
The school year has started, and I feel so freaking exhausted. Yet when I try to go to sleep, I can’t seem to do it. Any advice on how to cure insomnia?
Sincerely,
I’m Sooo Tired
Dear I’m Sooo Tired,
People will tell you to do many ridiculous things when it comes to insomnia… drink tea, read a book, take medicine… the only way to get yourself to sleep at night?
Put on the song “Don’t You Want Me” by The Human League, the only hit this group ever had. Dance to it for 24 hours. Do not stop. Do not even stop for water, food, or peeing. The only time you stop? When you faint, and have an incredible night of sleep after 4 FREAKING WEEKS.
Don’t let the anxiety bite!
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
Since the Chil Fil A isn’t here yet, how the hell do I spend all my Stars points?
Sincerely,
I Can’t Just Buy Coffee
Dear I Can’t Just Drink Coffee,
I drink about 5 cups of coffee a day, so you know what? You’re a weakling.
Now that Alvins is dead, and we no longer can buy numerous eclectic Henrys and Baked Zitis, we have to have other plans.
Things to buy:
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Those local health bars that I have eaten too many of because I’m too lazy to make food.
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Those bags of organic chips, so we can feel less guilty about eating them, even though let’s be realistic, THEY’RE STILL CHIPS AND ORGANIC MAKES NO DIFFERENCE.
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Twenty boxes of cereal.
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A buttload of toothpaste.
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A bunch of coffee for me so I can have the energy to write this column.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How do I deal with bugs in my apartment?
Sincerely,
Bugged Out
Dear Bugged Out
Burn that bitch to the ground.
Crazy Kazoo Lady has life experience and is ready to share it with the world. She’ll answer your questions and give you advice on everyday problems. Email any questions to chawthorne@my.okcu.edu.
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