In this week’s column, we deal with Zen, summer flings, and the monster that is the new lay out of the cafeteria.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How do I achieve Zen?
Sincerely,
I’m Stressed
Dear I’m Stressed
I have found that the best way to calm down is to write down my feelings. And by feelings, I mean write down the names of every person who wronged me and hope for their deaths a la Death Note style.
People you can write down include:
1. Your evil teachers
2. Your evil bullies
3. Your crush in third grade who did not return the feelings (you know who you are, screw you)
4. That guy who cut you in line in Chipoltle
5. Alex Jones (look him up)
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How do I delve the maze that is the new layout of the cafeteria?
Sincerely,
This is not Feng Shui
Dear This is not Feng Shui,
Grab a shovel and start digging. I recommend bringing a snack with you because this process is going to take about six hours. Anyway, start digging a tunnel in front of the caf (get people to join you if they want). If you start at 4:30 am on Saturdays, you will be the first one in line for Willie’s pancakes at the Grille. It’s spelled with an E now. Cause it’s cool.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
I went back home this summer, and kind of had something special going on with some one. However, I’m back at school and they’re still at home. We didn’t have enough time to even consider long distance, and I’m debating whether to move on or not. What do you think I should do?
Sincerely,
I Still Miss Them
Dear I Still Miss Them,
You know how they say that love, or lust, or whatever is all about timing?
You don’t truly realize how that is so true until timing is the ultimate bitch.
There is nothing worse than feeling like you have found someone that gets you, and who you genuinely care about, only to have to go back to school and have to forget them. You want to tell everyone about this person, because you are genuinely surprised that someone you liked so much happened to like you back. People will tell you to just call it a “summer fling,” because technically that’s what it was. Yet, you know that it can’t be that. You freaking miss them and want them with all your heart and soul and, this can’t just be a “fling.” Maybe they feel the same way. You don’t know.
In all seriousness, the hardest thing is pushing down the hope that there is a future for you and this person. Even if there are plans to see them again eventually (and you happen to both be single at the time), you need to be realistic. You have a whole different life from them. You have different goals and dreams and so do they. They may say that “maybe in another life we end up together or something,” and you wish that it could be this life. You know it can’t be.
But in the end, you’re going to find a way to move on. You will realize that you have so much to offer the world, and that your brain space can be used to create change, instead of just thinking about a person who you had feelings for. Go read, go write, go practice, go and make something.
Or use your column as a disguise to deal with your own issues, and hope that someday you can follow the advice you give.
Crazy Kazoo Lady has life experience and is ready to share it with the world. She’ll answer your questions and give you advice on everyday problems. Email any questions to chawthorne@my.okcu.edu.
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