In our last article of the semester, we deal with breakfast, finals, and how horrible Oklahoma is.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
Why are there people who don’t like to eat breakfast all day?
Sincerely,
A Confused Homosapien
Dear A Confused Homosapien,
You see, there are people who were never hugged as children, who have never see a clear blue sky, and who have probably never had an orgasm.
These are the people who do not enjoy eating breakfast all day. Avoid them. They probably also hate puppies.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How do I survive my finals?
Sincerely,
I am Barely Making it
Dear I am Barely Making It,
You need to prepare a finals survival kit.
Some items you will need include water that happens to be in a grey goose vodka bottle (because this is a “dry campus”).
A Tinder account, so you can gain validation that you are actually attractive, even though you’ve been living on pop tarts this past week.
A hundred five hour energy bottles, since coffee no longer works.
Lastly, you will need an application to your local community college, in the case that you fail all your finals and need a back up plan.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
Why is the Oklahoma weather so insane?
Sincerely,
It’s Freaking Spring
Dear It’s Freaking Spring,
Remember the movie 2012? The one that predicted the world would end on December 21, 2012, because that’s when the Mayan calendar ended?
They should have titled it 2017, because the apocalypse is probably on its way.
I mean, let’s look at the facts: Oklahoma has the second highest rate of tobacco consumption, ninth in meth labs, and Mary Fallin is the freaking governor.
This is probably why I’m leaving for the summer, taking my kazoo and laptop with me. But don’t worry, I’ll be back in the fall. As long as there’s an OCU, and as long as I get paid, there will be someone to take your questions, and to give you the advice you need.
And with that being said…
Crazy Kazoo Lady out.
As always, email any questions to cahawthorne@my.okcu.edu. Further advice will be given after the summer break.
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