In this week’s article, we deal with procrastination, nipples, and The Flying Spaghetti Monster (Ramen).
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
Why do I have so much unbridled rage?-Justin Timberlake
Dear Justin Timberlake,
Why you are writing to a college student blog, I will never know, but please note that I am single, and if things are not working out with Jessica, you can write advice to me any time you wish… ;)
The reason why you have so much unbridled rage is because you’re not reading enough from “The Holy Scriptures.” I’m not talking about the Bible, Torah, or Quran… I’m talking about “The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.”
Here are some quotes from his scripture to help you:
“We are not saying that Evolution can’t exist, only that it is guided by His Noodly Appendage.”
“College costs money- a lot. Yet education in itself is not of much value. For example, we can look to the general public’s almost complete disregard for anything that educated people have to say about global warming, shrinking oil reserves, pollution, or the threat of nuclear annihilation. But if all this is true, why does something as worthless as a college diploma cost so much money?”
And my personal favorite:
“QED, b$%@hes.”
So, my dear JT, I hope these rock your body…
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
Why do boys have nipples?-Not Erik
Dear Not Erik,
This the third time you have come back to this blog. I appreciate that you keep writing me back, but I don’t understand why you keep coming to me for sex education. You’re probably from Texas. Or Canada.
Boys have nipples because they are compasses for travel. While women’s nipples are magnets for the mouths of newborns, men have been using their nipples to explore the world since the beginning of time, from Marco Polo to Ghengis Khan.
The question is if they actually work…I mean, Christopher Columbus used his nipples to take him to North America, instead of India, which is where he intended to go originally. This also led to him destroying Native American life and spreading a lot of disease…
So, ask yourself… are your nipples a product of destruction, or will they be used for the good of mankind?
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
Why can’t I stop procrastinating?-too lazy to come up with a name
Dear Too Lazy to Come Up with a Name,
Look at your pseudonym. There’s your answer.
Crazy Kazoo Lady has life experience and is ready to share it with the world. She’ll answer your questions and give you advice on everyday problems. Email any questions to chawthorne@my.okcu.edu.
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