In this week’s articles, we deal with midterms, staying
awake in class, and kidnapping.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
How do I stay awake in my non-performance theatre class?
Sincerely,
Coffee isn’t Working
Dear Coffee isn’t Working,
I get it. Staying awake in class is always horrible, whether
it’s in your non-performance theatre class, or your general education requirements that have nothing to do with your designated career path.
Since your usual drug of choice is not working (everyone
becomes immune to caffeine after a while), I recommend amping up your drug intake. I know quite a few people who say that cocaine works extremely well in getting them to be attentive and focused. I’ve heard some things about crack as well as acid…
So, instead of coffee, try cocaine! (and bring tissues to class).
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
What’s the best place to cry on campus?
Sincerely,
Midterms are Coming up
Dear Midterms are Coming Up,
The obvious answer seems to be your dorm room. However,
the dorm walls in these schools are freaking thin, so different measures must be taken.
Here is a list of places I have cried at on campus:
- The practice rooms.
- The bathroom by the caf lounge
- The bathroom in walker center.
- Pretty much all bathrooms. Yes, even yours
- The Dollar Store on 23rd Street
- Mutts Hot Dogs
- Dulaney Browne Library Study Room
- In all of my teachers’ offices
- In lighting lab while sorting color gels.
All of these places have a special place in my heart.
However, in the end, the place you want to cry needs to speak to you. You can also cry during your tests. Your professors will have pity on you then.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
There’s this guy at school who is literally the coolest
person ever. He is insanely talented and has the most incredible hair. How do I achieve his level of awesomeness?
Sincerely,
I am lame in comparison to him
Dear I am lame in comparison to him,
I encourage you to chase after your dreams of becoming like this person.
Kidnap him and take over his identity. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
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