Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady: a bad advice column

Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,

Where do babies come from?

Sincerely,

Not Erik

Dear Not Erik,

A baby is born when a man and a woman love each other very much. They go to their bedroom and lock the door. They take off their clothes. They get on the bed. Then, they high five each other, and because of how awesome this high five is, glitter shoots in the air and forms a baby.

I got my sex education from Texas. Of course that’s how it works.

Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Yours,

Mr.THICC

Dear Mr. THICC,

Wow, you must come from a fascinating family if your last name is THICC.

And to answer your question, a wood chuck can’t cut anything because they CAN’T FREAKING CHUCK WOOD. If they could, I would estimate about 100 pieces. As long as they are getting paid fairly, I am okay with wood chuck labor.