For this segment of Feature Fridays, I choose one of OCU’s fine human specimens and ask them questions about their preferences in a significant other. I name a quality, and they have to decide whether it is a deal breaker or deal maker in a potential spouse.
Find out what Lucas Haupert, acting senior and hot eligible bachelor, seeks in a relationship.
Q: Their lifelong passion is taxidermy.
A: Far be it for me to discourage someone’s passion, but that’s dead animals, yo.Deal breaker.
Q: They always chew with their mouth open.
A: Deal breaker.
Q: They cook you every single meal and insist to serve you in bed, even at dinner.
A: Deal maker.
Q: They have a ceramic panda collection.
A: I don’t feel too strongly one way or the other, although pandas are pretty awesome.
Q: Their skin is actually a blanket.
A: Deal maker. That’s cuddle material.
Q: The only movie they are able to watch is Princess Diaries.
A: I love Princess Diaries, so deal maker.
Q: They own four lizards, all named Betty.
A: Not necessarily a deal breaker. I do request that if there is an insect problem in our house, we let them run rampant.
Q: They only wear tiger print clothing.
A: Mmmm, unusual but not necessarily a deal breaker.
Q: They must jump into a pool at least three times each day.
A: As long as they don’t hurt themselves, I’m perfectly okay with it.
Q: They only sing songs in minor keys.
A: Wow! Um, I will never allow this person to sing at my funeral, but I’m not opposed because it’s a pretty cool ability.
Q: They are nine feet tall.
A: I don’t know. That’s a lot of reach. I already find it awkward to reach someone an inch higher than me. Probably a deal breaker.
Q: They like to eat poison ivy salads. It doesn’t harm them. They just like it.
A: They can eat it. That’s fine. As long as they don’t make me eat it. What if they kiss me? I guess that’s a risk I’ll have to take.
Q: They just won the lottery but insist on using the money to buy minivans for every family in western Ohio.
A: That’s actually really sweet. Honestly, if someone I loved won the lottery, I wouldn’t know what to do with it. So that’s probably the best option.
Q: They work at Canes and earn free chicken but no money.
A: Oh GOD! I don’t know what kind of provider I would be! I LOVE Canes, but I need money! *falls on floor* Its not a deal breaker, that’s for sure.
If you have a deal breaker/deal maker question or would like to request an eligible bachelor(ette) for an interview, comment below.
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