8 ideas to improve residence life

The university has made housing improvement a priority for future projects and budgets. Housing staff has already taken exciting steps through renovations like the Walker Hall lobby and special events like the campus petting zoo.

Rumor has it there are eight more projects in the works to improve residence life.

1. Extreme Dorm Build

Housing staff invites everyone to join them at the pavilion, where the campus will unite to build a new dorm over the volleyball sand pit. Students are required to come, and they may not leave until the dorm is complete. It’s like Habitat for Humanity, except it’s required and for yourself.

2. Food fight

Residence life partnered with Sodexo to create this annual campus event. For the donation of one canned good, students can choose three foods from the following list: lobster, coconuts, powdered sugar, coffee, cottage cheese, and baked Alaska. They will enter the caf and pelt their edible selections at each other until one student is left standing. That student gets free meals for a week.

3. Breakfast in bed

The RAs worked together to create a new program, where they cook daily breakfasts of their choice using lobby microwaves. Then, at 6 a.m. sharp every morning, whether you like it or not, they open your door, wake you up, and spoon-feed the breakfast to you while you lay in bed.

4. Tree house dorms

Be one with nature. Housing staff will allow students to change their housing draft picks, in order to live in the new tree house dorms. The luxurious housing includes a hammock, cardboard roof, potentially free food (depending on the tree you’re assigned), and squirrel neighbors without filling out a campus animal form!

5. Jacuzzi option

Students complained about small shower size, so housing staff listened. For two StarCard swipes, students can trade out their current bathroom for a full-size jacuzzi tub. Keep in mind that the jacuzzis are large, so the toilet and sink must be sacrificed in order to make room. One student in Draper Hall already made the trade and loves it. “Getting the jacuzzi was the best decision I ever made,” said Edna Arnoldo, knitting junior. “I can relax after a hard day and not worry about my suite-mate leaving the toilet seat up.”

6. Hurricane shelter

Safety is the number one priority of OCU residence life. Campus already has tornado shelters, but if a hurricane hit, we would all be screwed. To ease the minds of students and parents, housing staff designed a tall, sturdy shelter. The new building will be tall enough to reach the height of the Goldstar’s gold star and large enough hold the entire campus inside.

7. Valet parking

Do you get tired of walking across this enormous campus to avoid finding parking spots? Are you annoyed that your parking spot is not more convenient? Housing staff recognized this as a problem, so they started a valet parking program. Anyone can sign to be a valet driver. The service is free, and housing staff will provide drivers with three green Skittles every two hours.

Note: Neither housing staff nor drivers are responsible for any parking tickets, damage, or excessive mileage.

8. Dorm makeover

Next semester, Housing staff will raffle off 12 dorm makeovers. They will surprise winners by finding out what they love and secretly re-decorating their room while they sleep. The trial run this semester was successful. “I was so surprised because I went to sleep in a normal, plain old dorm,” said Peter McDonahue, farming sophomore. “When I woke up, my room was completely different! Apparently, they called my mom and found out I loved fishing, so they gave me a goldfish and decorated my walls with real fish scales. They even gave me a fish-scented air freshener! It was awesome!”

*Disclaimer: None of these students are real, and none of these plans are actually happening…. Yet.