Many students expressed fear and revulsion when they found a cockroach near the hummus in the caf. Those who got to know little Steve, however, found him to be quite a hoot.
Q: Why is everyone scared of you?
A: I’m not sure. Maybe because I led my high school senior prank, where I got 600 of us to fill a Pennywise body suit.
Q: Why do you have to be near our food?
A: I get hungry too!! I really miss Eclectic Henrys, but I am LOVING the yogurt bar and the hummus. I like to sit on the counter, where I can see all of you at once. Y’all are freaks.
Q: Why do you scuttle away when I try to capture you?
A: Because when I sing my favorite aria, La Cucaracha, people flip out. I think they’re intimidated by my impeccable tone.
Q: Why are you so creepy-looking?
A: Actually, in cockroach terms, I’m quite attractive. The most sexy cockroaches have the largest bodies, hardest shells, longest legs and antennas, and greasiest complexion that drips a little when they scuttle. I’m a perfect 10.
Q: Don’t you have better things to do than bother OCU students?
A: Yes, but I’ve already explored four classrooms, six backpacks, and 17 bedrooms this month!
Q: What do people most misunderstand about you?
A: Many of my peers consider me a Hufflepuff, but I’ve always been a diehard Ravenclaw.
Q: If students want you to leave, what should they do?
A: Many of my kind feel that humans ostracize our species. I’m smart enough to know that you envy our power to survive natural disasters of every kind, but if you want to remove us peacefully, I recommend stroking our backs and cradling us in your mouths until you relocate us to a comfortable outdoor location – gazebos preferably.
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