As OCU welcomes a new class of freshmen to campus, officials emphasize that students are individuals, not numbers. Though this is true, most freshmen fit into specific groups that reoccur every year.
1. The Alphas
They picked out their recruitment party outfits months ago. Every house wants them, and they know more about the sororities than the Rho Gammas do. They’re probably a legacy, and they will not rest until they have an everlasting bond of sisterhood.
2. The Snack Rats
They refuse to attend any event unless someone is providing food. Their caf meals and midnight snack supplies are rapidly dwindling, but the freshman 15 is going strong.
3. The Inseparables
These two roommates are brand new BFFS. They can’t live without their new soulmate, and they love telling you about how they decorate, cook, eat, sleep, and poop together. Then they laugh and share an inside joke that you’ll never understand because their bond is too deep.
4. The Town Cry-er
This homesick homie has never been away from their family for more than a week, and their roommate’s mounted poster reminds them of their grandpa in his younger days, which doesn’t help things. Outside of class, they call home and sniffle as they listen to their dog’s snoring for five straight hours.
5. The Everests
These folks peaked in high school, but they’re still trying to live out the glory days. They constantly bring up their high school achievements like when they won the school spirit award and got an A on their essay about capitalism.
6. The Castaways
You’ll never meet these students because they stay holed up by themselves, out of the public view. When they don’t show up to events, people often assume it’s because they’re too cool, but they actually have no idea what’s going on.
7. The Tag-a-longs
These cute little leeches are desperate for a friend group and will jump at any social invitation. They’ll go to dinner, watch a movie or even clean your room with you, but after you include them once, they’ll cling to you forever.
8. The Boy Scout
This grade-A student is way too prepared. They already purchased multiple editions of all their textbooks and read them cover to cover. They’ve walked through their class schedule at least six times, and their dorm is neatly stocked with drawers of extra school supplies. The only thing they forgot to do was socialize with their peers.
9. The Schmooze-geoisie
Audition season has arrived, but these performers audition every second of their life. They are determined to impress every single person they meet, so they walk around campus casually riffing, showing off their pirouettes and gushing praise to anyone they see.
10. The John Maybe?
This John Mayer-wannabe brings their guitar to every gathering. They can only play four chords, but they need the world to know that they have MASTERED Wonderwall.
11. The Doommate
This roommate from hell will never be satisfied. Whether they find excessive dust, the toilet is too loud or they need more closet space, they always have a complaint. They get their parents involved, and soon you’re seeing facilities staff more than you see your roommate.
If you don’t fit into one of these groups, or you think of another type of freshman, comment below!