In this week’s article, we deal with heartbreak, corsets, and furries.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
Are you a furry?
Generally wondering after that Simba comment last week
Dear Generally wondering after that Simba comment last week,
First, an explanation for the 5 people that read this advice column… Last week, I said that in order to obtain a job, you must utter whatever is on your mind, including the comment, “Simba from The Lion King was my sexual awakening”. This caused a bit of response, including one viewer who stated, “Kovu from The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride is the hot one, Disney had no right to make a lion that damn sexy.”
First, why Disney tried to create a generation that was into beastiality (Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, Robin Hood), I will never understand.
Second, to answer your question, this is college, a time where young ones are exploring their sexualities in new and exciting ways. However, I myself am not one.
And by the way, Simba was not my sexual awakening: it was Robin from Teen Titans. Why? Because his voice is the definition of sex.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady.
How do I get into my Chekhov corset?
Too Big to Fit, Can’t Quit because it is my BFA requirement
Dear Too Big to Fit, Can’t Quit because it is my BFA requirement,
You need to perform a special ritual that will help you button the corset.
First, you need to start crying while reciting “I am the seagull, I am the seagull, I am the seagull.”
Second, you must have an affair with somebody, mainly because every Chekhov character is sleeping with someone they shouldn’t be sleeping with.
If all else fails, result to a diet of vodka and bread, the way them good old Russians do. Then you should fit into the corset just fine.
Dear Crazy Kazoo Lady,
I was dating someone for a bit, but then they texted me saying that they didn’t have time for a relationship. What do I do?
Dear Utterly Heartbroken,
Eat a lot of cheese. And chocolate. And candy. And churros.
Eat a lot of food that starts with the letter C (except carbon, that’s a bad idea).
Crazy Kazoo Lady has life experience and is ready to share it with the world. She’ll answer your questions and give you advice on everyday problems. Email any questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.