Students have expressed concern about going home for Thanksgiving break, especially after the recent election. No one looks forward to discussing their future, romantic life, or political views with nosy relatives, so here are some ideas to make this Thanksgiving a bearable one.
1. Don’t go home
Sometimes, you have to do what’s best for your mental health, and sometimes, that means creating your own holiday adventure. This year, Thanksgiving vacation planners recommend a trip to Turkey the country. Their more affordable option is a stay-cation package that includes the documentary “My Life as a Turkey” and a pre-packaged meal of deli Turkey and maize.
2. Sit at the kids’ table
Who wants to deal with adult conversation, where pointless argument is unavoidable? The kids’ table asks the real questions like, “How many pieces of pie can I fit in my mouth at one time?,” “Is this turkey vegan?,” and “Why is uncle Arnold still in the bathroom?”
3. Get a food coma
Stuff yourself so full that you pass out and can’t process any of the fighting happening around you.
4. Bring a fake significant other home
Find a Craigslist hottie, offer them some free food, and pretend you’re in love. Your family will get off your back about your eternal single status, and who knows? Maybe Craigslist hottie is the one.
5. Be a fake significant other
Be someone else’s Craigslist hottie. You get free food out of it, and you can tell any lies you want because you’ll probably never see these people again. This is the perfect time to test out your new Wyoming accent or insult strangers to feel better about yourself.
6. Volunteer to do dishes
It’s not the most glamorous option, but it’s effective. Let everyone else go at it in the next room, while you enjoy a peaceful hour ruining your hand skin and looking out to make sure Jimmy’s retainer doesn’t accidentally go through the garbage disposal again.
7. Food baby
Get a food baby. Pretend it’s a real one so your aunts stop telling you to get a boyfriend.
8. Pretend to have an allergic reaction
Next time Uncle Bobby asks about your future, scream “There was a cashew in the stuffing!,” twitch a few times, run away, and lock yourself in the bathroom.
9. Wear earplugs the whole time, and say it’s an experiment for school
After all, your education comes first, right?
10. Get a tranquilizer gun
It’s like a drinking game but better. Every time you hear a word associated with politics, tranquilize its source.
11. Get lice
Why waste effort avoiding everyone else, when you can just make them avoid you?
If you think of another Thanksgiving survival technique, comment below.