OCU is a health-conscious university, and since there is only one small gym for everyone, it’s usually full of a wide variety of people. A day at the Aduddell Fitness Center truly showcases the diversity OCU has to offer. Here are some generalized profiles:
1. The Bro
Location: Weights all day every day
Love language: Grunts and head nods
Looking for: someone to push me but also constantly compliment the progress of my muscles
For fun: Rugby, whey protein, Animal House
Description: I shouldn’t say that I want to be objectified, but if an agency is searching for a hunky babe, I’m your guy.
Goal: Get ripped
2. The Elderly Powerhouse
Location: Rowing machine
Love language: A cheek pinch that crushes your face
Looking for: Someone my own age who doesn’t own a LifeAlert button
For fun: Running marathons with grandchildren, making millennials feel inadequate
Description: More abs than teeth
Goal: Live forever
3. The Lovers
Location: Yoga mats
Love language: Literally making out
Looking for: Nothing – we have each other
For fun: Doing these exact same “exercises” at home, in the car, at a restaurant, etc.
Description: Just some workout more-than-buddies XOXO <3 We only have this account to promote our partner workout videos!
Goal: Show the world how much we are in love
4. The Employee on lunch break
Location: Stationary bicycles
Love language: Grammatically well-structured compliments
Looking for: Someone to babysit my children so I have time to do real exercise like tennis or kayaking
For fun: Helping students that aren’t idiots, teaching my children to not be idiots
Description: I’m skipping out on the lunch staff meeting to get out of my desk and have an hour to myself. Please don’t speak to me.
Goal: Squeeze in a workout without getting sweaty enough to mandate a clothing change.
5. The Nervous Self-Helper
Location: The gym rules poster
Love language: A gentle smile
Looking for: A workout partner who knows how the machines work, so I can spend more time using them than researching them
For fun: Reading, walking my cat, planning birthday get-togethers, baking cinnamon rolls but not eating them
Description: I read a self-help book that said working out could increase my health and happiness, so I decided to expand my horizons, take some risks, and give it a try!
Goal: Improve my life and therefore the lives of those around me
6. The reluctant friend
Love language: Food
Looking for: Someone who doesn’t force me to go to the gym with them
For fun: Movies, short walks on the beach, relaxation
Description: I’ll just watch Netflix and walk slowly until you’re ready to go
Goal: Do as little as possible and leave as soon as possible
7. The Performer
Love language: Riffs
Looking for: Someone who will support me emotionally and also financially
For fun: I can’t – I have rehearsal.
Description: My voice teacher suggested that I sing while running to prepare myself for the heavy choreo I’ll encounter when I book a tour. You’re welcome.
Goal: Broadway bod
Disclaimer: These are stereotyped generalizations. Some people may fit in to multiple profiles or none. Comment below if you would like to add to these profiles or create one that I missed.