Columnist defines Hitler irony

By Erin Ferrell, Columnist

Hey kids, ready for me to define irony for you? Here it goes.

Erin Ferrell

Historians have theorized for some time that evil German dictator Adolf Hitler was in possession of some Jewish ancestors. Science has now proved it. Somewhat.

Historian Marc Vermeeren and journalist Jean-Paul Mulders rounded up a staggering 39 relatives of the late Fuhrer and did DNA tests on their saliva.

I say staggering because it had not occurred to me that there were other members of the Hitler clan running about and giving their spit to journalists. I imagine some of them have changed their name, as having a surname synonymous with mass genocide cannot be an easy cross to carry. And you know, Iā€™m sure the Hitlers are all very nice folks.

The results of the tests revealed the presence of a certain chromosome not usually found in the DNA of your run-of-the-mill German. This chromosome suggests that Hitler and his relations were descended from people of Moroccan, Algerian, Tunisian, or Libyan heritage. So Hitler could have African roots. However, it is much more exciting to consider that this chromosome is common to Ashkenazi and Sephardic Jews. Hilarity.

It is unfortunate no one knows exactly where Hitler is buried, we could all watch him roll in his grave. In celebration of finding out that the most evil supervillain to ever exist outside of a graphic novel was possibly a member of the group he hated and perpetrated horrors upon, I suggest we all pay a visit to catsthatlooklikehitler.com. If we allow his legacy to be one of fear and hate, he and dictators like him win. But if his legacy is simply his ridiculous mustache, I think we win.

1 comments
Corbin Hosler
Corbin Hosler

Just to clarify, the website is catsTHATlooklikehitler.com. And they are "kitlers."

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